Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Say Something at the Hot Chocolate Run

This past weekend, Safe Passage held the 10th annual Hot Chocolate Run.  This annual fundraiser is one of the biggest sources of income for our organization, and provides the ability for our programs to sustain -- even expand -- in an economy that often threatens to shut down many agencies like our own.

Last year, the event raised roughly $225,000 for Safe Passage services.  An amazing feat that led to changes in the organization, such as increased hours for our Legal Advocate who provides information, resources, and representation to our clients.  Last year's Hot Chocolate Run was also responsible for the development of the Say Something program.

We were so excited to have a Say Something booth at this year's Hot Chocolate Run, and were able to meet many folks from the community, promote our program, and give away almost all of our pens, buttons, bookmarks and bracelets.  It was amazing to see everyone who came out in the cold weather to run, walk, volunteer, or cheer on friends and family.

Our little community, and the amazingly giant support that it provides to our agency, is the reason that we were able to create a prevention program at Safe Passage-- which is one of my favorite parts of this initiative.  Our program seeks to make the community a safer place, and is capable of doing so because of community support, and with community involvement.

So, we just wanted to take a minute to say Thank You!!  For all the support, all the encouragement, and all the amazing generosity that you have given us.  And we look forward to working together to help build a safer community free of domestic, sexual, and interpersonal violence.

If you missed us at the event and want more info about the program, visit www.saysomethingnow.org or email us at saysomething@safepass.org.



Laura Penney is the Community Engagement Coordinator at Safe Passage and the project director of the Say Something Prevention Initiative.

Monday, December 2, 2013

What We Say and Who We Say It to

The fundamental basis of the Say Something campaign is that everyone can say something to help prevent domestic, sexual and interpersonal violence. Most folks, when they hear this, think about what to say to victims or survivors of violence. There have been some great Say Something contributions, like:
- “You are strong, beautiful, and brave.”
- “This is not your fault.”
- “I believe you.”
- “I am here. No matter what.”

However, we often forget or overlook the importance of what we say to perpetrators, around perpetrators, and about perpetration. The following is an excerpt from a great article that references a blog entry entitled “Feminism 101: Helpful Hints for Dudes, Part 3”, as well as Jackson Katz’s ted talk (and overall position on violence against women):
“A lot of people accuse feminists of thinking that all men are rapists. That’s not true. But do you know who think all men are rapists? Rapists do.”

So, when someone drops a rape joke and people laugh, the small percent of men who are rapists think that they’re surrounded by like-minded friends. Speaking to the joke-teller:

“That rapist who was in the group with you, that rapist thought that you were on his side. That rapist knew that you were a rapist like him. And he felt validated, and he felt he was among his comrades.”

What’s interesting about this observation is that it reminds us that we need to be more aware of the impact of our words not on victims (as the usual argument against the rape joke goes), but on perpetrators.


There is obviously an argument (or many, for that matter) for refraining from participating in any sort of oppressive language, humor, and action. We hold an awareness that we live in communities of survivors- in our town, in our religious communities, on our sports teams, in our classes, at our workplaces, etc. Also, using oppressive language kind of makes you feel icky in general.

But, we are living in communities of individuals who commit acts of violence as well. And understanding the impact of what we say or do around perpetrators allows for a stronger argument against the “but you know I didn’t mean it like that” defense we hear so often when we Say Something and challenge a friend, colleague, family member about their language. I’m going to just assume that it would feel pretty icky if someone realized that by their attempt at humor, a person in their community who committed rape or domestic violence felt validated in their actions because they assumed they were in solidarity.

So, let’s make sure that when we Say Something, we do so with the understanding that we are in the company of both survivors and perpetrators in our day to day lives.

And if you have the chance, watch this Jackson Katz Ted Talk about the importance of language regarding violence against women and girls:



Laura Penney is the Community Engagement Coordinator at Safe Passage and the project director of the Say Something Prevention Initiative.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Prevention Is...

The main concept of prevention is the following:

We can take actions in order to stop something before it occurs; we can take actions that will decrease the likelihood of something happening at all.

When we think about this in terms of domestic, sexual, and interpersonal violence it means this: prevention is all the things we do to work towards a community where violence does not happen. This might take the form of education to the young people about what healthy relationships look like so they are better equipped to identify a potentially unhealthy or abusive partner before any violence occurs. Or, it might look like anti-violence agencies collaborating with law enforcement and the legal system to ensure that perpetrators of violence are held accountable for their actions and not allowed to access other victims.

What is important to note about primary prevention is the shift in focus — from those who may become victimized to individuals who might perpetrate. It is important to understand that in order violence to be eradicated from our community, we must focus on the actions of those committing the violence not the victims.

Many women are taught from a young age to walk with their keys between their fingers so they can have a rudimentary weapon on hand in case of attack, not to walk down dark alleys at night, not to dress a certain way, act a certain way — or they run the risk of assault, violation, harassment, etc. What we know is this: teaching someone how not to get assaulted is not as effective as teaching someone that assaulting others is not allowed in our community. What we also know is that this way of thinking leads to victim blaming. So, for example, if I was assaulted after deciding to walk alone down a street at night people might wonder to themselves: “Poor girl, but what was she doing all alone that late in that bad part of town?”.

Yes- we live in a world where scary things happen.

And, no, things aren’t going to change overnight.

That’s why it is still important to partake in activities that will increase the safety and security of your body, mind, and spirit.

Our prevention efforts, however, are asking for more than that from our community. We are seeking to build a community where perpetrators are held accountable and neighbors, friends, coworkers, family members, and even strangers Say Something to one another when they see someone perpetrating, perpetuating, or silently allowing violence to occur. Where the first person we think of when we hear about a violent act is the person committing it, with the question “how did we let this happen?”

For another viewpoint on the issue of prevention, holding perpetrators accountable, and victim blaming, check out one of our colleagues’ article from Ms. Fit Magazine. Lynne Marie Wanamaker is a consultant on the Say Something initiative and the lead writer for our awesome Field Guide. She is also an anti-violence educator and self-defense instructor. Take a look at her response to Emily Yoffe’s article, entitled “College Women: Stop Getting Drunk” which has been spurring controversy for the past few months.



Laura Penney is the Community Engagement Coordinator at Safe Passage and the project director of the Say Something Prevention Initiative.


Monday, November 11, 2013

The Vision We Hold

As a former resident of Northampton, and someone who works downtown Monday through Friday, I have spent many hours walking the streets, frequenting all that our little city has to offer. As a cis-gendered female, my experience of living and working may be similar or different from yours, but one thing that I have heard echoed from other female-identifying individuals is the frequency of street harassment and the feeling of a lack of safety while walking along the streets alone.

I, and many others, do things to maintain our safety — like avoiding eye contact to not incite altercations or cat calls, walking quickly, wearing sunglasses so you can assess your environment for safety discreetly. Or even taking a different route to work frequently so that the person who takes notice of you and asks if you’re off to work or heading home at the beginning and end of the day doesn’t catch on to your routine. All of this, of course, is only amplified once the sun goes down.

Because, experiencing the world as a woman as I do, I live with the constant reality that my body is not my own, and that at any given moment, my safety and the security of my body could be compromised, taken advantage of, or harmed. And this doesn’t just mean physically. If someone has ever followed you down the street muttering sexual comments for two blocks, the hairs on the back of your neck standing up are enough of an indicator that you may be unsafe. And that feeling forms a memory in your body and stays there. So the next time someone is walking closely behind you — perhaps just because their pace is faster than yours — your body reacts.

All the ways in which I alter my behavior in attempts to maintain my safety come at a cost. And ultimately, they aren’t a guarantee. There isn’t a prescription for safety as a woman. We have all seen that reality every time we take a look at what’s happening in the news. I make decisions on a daily basis that cost me money, like going to the gym instead of running at night. And not being able to look others in the eye while I walk down the street means I don’t meet many strangers; I don’t form new relationships interacting in the community. Often, what we lose by maintaining our safety is true and loving connection. We guard our bodies, and by default, our hearts.

Earlier this year, I had the pleasure of connecting with  Umoja Now for their 1 Billion Fathers Rising event in downtown Northampton — an event that linked organizations together to talk about prevention of domestic and sexual violence and engaging men and boys. The day was filled with speeches, songs, dance, poetry, laughs, music, and even tears as the community came together to support the work of ending violence against women.

As I looked around me, I saw a group of people all standing outside to be a part of a movement. A feeling flooded over me at that moment — a feeling of hope; a feeling that in this moment, I was truly safe. This group of people was a mass of allies — people who would not disrespect me, or endanger my body, mind or spirit. And I had this new-found, revolutionary experience of being able to let down my guard on a main street of Northampton. To breathe and be myself.

A second thought came over me just as I was settling into this wonderful bubble: If, at any point, someone came up to me in this very public place and engaged in behavior that made me feel unsafe — verbal harassment, physical inappropriateness, etc. — while I stood on this street with a group of strangers, I knew that these people would have said something, done something in that moment. The power in knowing that I was safe, and that others who would do whatever was in their power to keep me safe, was a revelation. And honestly, it almost brought me to tears in that moment.

That feeling is what I envision for all of us. That feeling could extend not only into public areas, but private homes and close relationships as well. This feeling that we can connect with others in every aspect of our lives in safe, enduring, and meaningful ways without fear of harm, abuse, or pain.

This is what sustains my work. This is what I work towards on a daily basis and what I hope you will join me in creating. We all have the ability to make our communities safe, loving, and revolutionary. It can start small, but every action brings us a step closer to extending that bubble I briefly stood inside. And I can’t stop working for this new vision of a world until everyone feels that feeling everywhere.

So, I invite you to join our efforts at Safe Passage by getting involved with Say Something — our new prevention initiative. Visit www.saysomethingnow to find out how you can “Learn, Act, and Be” to prevent interpersonal violence in our communities. Let’s work together to create a violence-free world for everyone.



Laura Penney is the Community Engagement Coordinator at Safe Passage and the project director of the Say Something Prevention Initiative.


Sunday, November 3, 2013

Welcome to Say Something! We’re Really Glad You’re Here


A large, resounding, concept has always seemed true to me: everyone benefits from a violence-free world. This would be a world where everyone is safe to be who they are, truly connects with others and themselves, and lives without fear. Just think about that for a second- what would that really mean for you, personally?

But for some reason, that’s not the world we all live in. For whatever reason, our world can be unsafe, scary, and dangerous at times, and — more specifically — for specific people.

I would argue that there are names for these reasons; names like sexism, racism, transphobia and homophobia, classism, religious intolerance, fear of immigrants, and the list can go on. But basically, the concept is: there are huge inequalities within our society and culture that create unsafe environments within our communities.

When that realization sinks in (and trust me, it can definitely take some time to digest it all), it can be a really daunting, overwhelming reality. Don’t you think? It sometimes leads many of us to think — including those of us who have been working for years to fight symptoms of an unjust world, like domestic and sexual violence — “I am just one person? How could I ever make change in the face of these huge problems?”

Then there is a second piece of the puzzle, and this is an important one:

When we dial back all the giant inequalities infiltrating our systems, we see that they are supported by perhaps smaller, less egregious acts of violence and discrimination — acts that we see on a daily basis. Because we are all raised in this culture, there are things ingrained in us and our communities that contribute to the reasons listed above. Things like bias, prejudice, and stereotypes that make their way into our normal day-to-day interactions in the form of jokes, language, social media, and personal thoughts and beliefs. Sometimes they happen subconsciously, sometimes they happen without notice, and sometimes they happen intentionally and hurtfully.

But here’s the good news. Because these things happen around us every day, there are tons of opportunities for us to take action and make a difference. That is what the Say Something Prevention Program is all about. We believe that no matter who you are, whatever roles you play in the community, and whoever you come in contact with, you have the ability to Say Something to prevent interpersonal violence. And, at Say Something, we are here to help give you the skills, language, and encouragement to Say Something in your everyday life when you see or hear one of these little things. Whether it be a friend making a joke about stalking, someone in your family rigidly enforcing stereotypical gender roles, a co-worker making a racist or homophobic comment, or any other acts of prejudice you encounter — we’re here to help you Say Something.

Our program operates around the motto: Learn. Act. Be. Our goal is to help you know more, build skills, and become a prevention superhero in your communities. In this moment, you may not feel comfortable having the difficult conversations that this work entails. And that’s okay. We hope that we can help you to have a little more confidence and skills, so the next time you hear or see something that’s not right, you will Say Something.

Visit our website www.saysomethingnow.org for more information on the many ways to get involved with preventing domestic, sexual and interpersonal violence. You can also "like" us on Facebook, "follow" us on Twitter, and subscribe to this blog.

We are excited to hear you Say Something!


Laura Penney is the Community Engagement Coordinator at Safe Passage and the project director of the Say Something Prevention Initiative.