The Cost of Allowing Violence

When we hear stories about violent relationships, we generally react sympathetically to the victim — sometimes aggressively to the perpetrator — and think to ourselves, "what a sad/scary/unfortunate/awful/terrifying/etc. situation".  We wonder how this person is coping with the violence and lack of safety in their homes, whether they are safe in this very moment, and if any children are being exposed or victimized.

Sometimes, we think, "Wow, I didn't even realize.  They seemed like such a normal couple."  Or we question the informant's legitimacy, disbelieving the story for whatever reason we choose to select.  I would argue that many of us also think, "I need to do something about this," whether or not we follow through with the sentiment.

But, there is a theme that appears across these reactions: we are focusing on the violence in a individual level.  We think about the family where the violence is occurring, about the victim, about the perpetrator, and, sometimes, about how we are affected personally by the situation.

And that is a completely normal, legitimate, appreciated, and important part in connecting with the work.

Relating to domestic violence on an individual level fuels the work many of us do: providing services to individuals, helping friends or coworkers recognize an abusive relationship, educating teens about what a healthy relationship looks like, etc.  We see the faces of the people we are helping; we see changes, one person at a time, and that is enormously encouraging when we walk everyday through a culture of violence and oppression.

A recent article in Forbes, discussed the cost of domestic violence, naming it a secret killer that costs $8.3 billion a year.  This article is just an example of the fact that while the individual connection with domestic violence is so important to much of our work, the broader, societal implications have to be acknowledged within a larger framework.  Domestic violence affects victims not just in their homes -- there are lasting affects on employment, health and well-being, children, and many other aspects of life.  The costs of domestic violence in our communities, in our society, and in our world are large and span over many facets of life for victims, perpetrators, and community members.  This is just one example of how important it is to understand how violence impacts systems of which we are all a part.

So, if you haven't been in a situation to connect on an individual level with someone who is experiencing domestic violence or haven't found a connection to the work yet, you should take a look at the staggering numbers in the Forbes article about what domestic violence costs us all.  And how each of us, in our roles in the community have the power and ability to make changes, bring about awareness, and participate in making our communities and our world free from violence.


Laura Penney is the Community Engagement Coordinator at Safe Passage and the project director of the Say Something Prevention Initiative.